Dealing with a Violent Death:
1. Generally it takes 18- 24 months just to stabilize after the
death of a family member or loved one. It can take much longer when the death was a violent one. Recognize the length
of the mourning process. Beware of developing unrealistic expectations of yourself.
2. Your worst times usually are not at the moment a tragic
event takes place. Then you're in a state of shock of numbness. Often you slide "into the pits" or body slam as
we call it . That is normally at the 3 and 7 months after the event. Strangely, when you're in the pits and temped
to despair, may be the time when most people expect you to be over your loss.
3. When people ask you how you are doing don't always say, Fine,
ok. Let some people know how terrible you feel.
4. Talking with a true friend or with others who've been there
and survived can be very helpful. Those that have been there speak your language. Only they can really say,
"I know, I understand, you are not alone."
5. Often depression is a cover for anger. Learn to uncork your bottle
and find appropriate ways to release your bottled up anger. What you're going through seems unfair and unjust.
6. It may be necessary to spend some time feeling sorry for yourself.
"Pity parties" sometimes are necessary and can be therapeutic, as long as you don't stay there to long.
7. It's all right to cry, to question, to be weak. Beware of allowing
yourself to be "put on a pedestal" by others who tell you what a inspiration you are because of your strength and your ability
to cope so well. If they only knew.
8. Remember you may be a rookie at the experience you're going through.
This is probably the first violent death you've coped with. You're new at this and you don't know what to do or how
to act. You need help.
9. Reach out and try to help others in some small way at least.
This little step forward may help prevent you from dwelling on yourself.
10. Many times of crisis ultimately can become times of opportunity.
Mysteriously your faith in yourself, in others, and in God can be deepened through crisis. Seek out persons who can serve
as a symbol of hope to you.