Journey Through Suicide Grief
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Emotional Side

On this page will be the emotions that you will go through after the suicide of a loved one. These will help you better understand what
you are feeling. 

Dealing with a Violent Death:
1. Generally it takes 18- 24 months just to stabilize after the death of a family member or loved one. It can take much longer when the death was a violent one. Recognize the length of the mourning process. Beware of developing unrealistic expectations of yourself.
2. Your worst times usually are not at the moment a tragic event takes place.  Then you're in a state of shock of numbness. Often you slide "into the pits" or body slam as we call it . That is normally at the 3 and 7 months after the event. Strangely, when you're in the pits and temped to despair, may be the time when most people expect you to be over your loss.
3. When people ask you how you are doing don't always say, Fine, ok.  Let some people know how terrible you feel.
4. Talking with a true friend or with others who've been there and survived can be very helpful. Those that have been there speak your language. Only they can really say, "I know, I understand, you are not alone."
5. Often depression is a cover for anger. Learn to uncork your bottle and find appropriate ways to release your bottled up anger. What you're going through seems unfair and unjust.
6. It may be necessary to spend some time feeling sorry for yourself.  "Pity parties"  sometimes are necessary and can be therapeutic, as long as you don't stay there to long.
7. It's all right to cry, to question, to be weak. Beware of allowing yourself to be "put on a pedestal" by others who tell you what a inspiration you are because of your strength and your ability to cope so well. If they only knew.
8. Remember you may be a rookie at the experience you're going through. This is probably the first violent death you've coped with.  You're new at this and you don't know what to do or how to act. You need help.
9. Reach out and try to help others in some small way at least. This little step forward may help prevent  you from dwelling on yourself.
10. Many times of crisis ultimately can become times of opportunity. Mysteriously your faith in yourself, in others, and in God can be deepened through crisis. Seek out persons who can serve as a symbol of hope to you.

Being a victim is a state of mind-dictated by others.
A survivor dictates their own state of mind.
A victim-fears the moments of grief.
A survivor-welcomes those moments!
A victim knows about feeling down and tries to stay up.
A survivor knows feeling down is okay.
A victim tries hard to hide the tears.
A survivor never leaves home without kleenex.
A victim struggles to maintain a state of normalcy.
A survivor knows normal no longer exists.
A victim gets caught in isolation.
A survivor reaches out when they need to.
A victim is afraid they in time will forget.
A survivor knows they never will!!
A victim sometimes feels guilty laughing.
A survivor laughs through their tears.
A victim tries at times to block out the memories.
A survivor embraces memories of all kinds.
A victim wants someone to cure their grief.
A survivor just wants someone to share their journey.
A victim struggles to get over their grief.
A survivor fights to get through it.
A victim tries to get on with their life.
A survivor lives their life knowing nothing will ever be the same.
A victim says oh I'm okay-then secretly cries.
A survivor openly cries-and says I'm okay.

A Solitary Journey:
Grief is a solitary journey. No one but you knows how great the hurt is. No one but you can know the gaping hole left in your life when some one you know has died. And no one but you can mourn the silence that was once filled with laughter and song. It is the nature of love and of death to touch every person in a totally unique way. Comfort comes from knowing that people have made the same journey. And solace
comes from understanding how others have learned to sing again.
~Helen Steiner Rice~